Self Care

I felt stuck, I felt trapped in my mind like I was on a mary go round and there was no one to look at but, myself in the mirror. Afraid to look at it confused on why I won’t look or how to look at it. Looking for a quick fix to ease the pain. Only to find out that the pain is internal the conflict is internal and there is no external fix. Feelings of rage, regret, disappointment, ashamed of not knowing how to express or understand the feelings repressed and reflected back to me. My life is a mirror and when I finally like what I see something comes to disturb that peace. Is it happiness I am seeking? is it pleasure? Is it power? Why do I seem to think that comes from external when true power is held within so much I can’t control or am I just afraid to control? Life pulling me in a hundred places. I find myself lowering my standards just to give the benefit of the doubt and every time it’s a smack in the face. Are my standards unattainable are there men not playing the fool. I found myself saying have patients but, Lust, frustration, and temptation are what I know. Time to choose a new path going to make my test last. Even I’m scared they can’t last. Ready to say fuck’em. Too loyal to honest. it’s time I give that same loyalty and honesty to something that deserves it. I feel and hear it inside me waiting to marry me, teach me, and lead me. Made uniquely to provide me security, trust, and love. Confident enough to not give up. Brave enough to choose me. Wise enough to build me. Something sweet and spicy these men going love me. Let them know I’m priceless and if you ever lost me know its no chance you’ll ever be able to fill that void. Baby, I’m fired up I am a rising legend.